Wednesday, June 8, 2011

A Starting Point

This is going to be my attempt to start my story.
My earliest recollections of things being not what they physically appeared to be, you know the junk I'm talking about, was when I was fairly young. I don't remember my age, but I think probably around 6 to 8 years old. I can remember looking at the advertisements in the Sunday newspaper and always being drawn to the women's section. I certainly don't remember any kind of sexual feelings about it. The only thing I do remember feeling was that I wanted to be the girls and/or women in the ads. To be soft and round and able to feel that happy and pretty seemed like a dream to me. Throughout grade school I just wanted to be like all the other girls. I was always more comfortable being around girls. The boys were always trying to do rude things to the girls and that disgusted me. I managed to stay out of trouble where boys were concerned, though it wasn't easy. In high school I was quite unpopular. More studious than physical. I only had a couple of dates the whole time, and as I see things from this vantage point now, I really only wanted to be closer to the girls so I could feel more like them. 
Well, long story short, I ended up getting married and having a family. I've been married for 40 years to the most wonderful woman. My wife and children are the world to me. I don't regret them at all. I am a product of the 50's and 60's, and as such, was quite ignorant of the transsexual world. I had only heard of Christine Jorgensen and didn't know what was available in the way of help. It was a very different time back then. You pretty much just stayed where you were in life. I have since found out that there were many girls who found their way to their rightful place. I have nothing but happiness for them. This will probably never be my path, not at this time in my life, I'm getting to old. But, just knowing that I was right feeling the way I did all those many years, has set me free.
I know that my Lord Jesus Christ loves me, and that He will take care of me, is more than I could ever hope for. He only judges me by my sin, and I don't believe this is a sin. I was born this way and I will die this way. It's how you live your life in between ( for Jesus Christ ).
I'll try to fill in the blanks as I go. This is still all very new to me, but I am learning so much from all of you gals out there. All of your life stories are amazing, I'm feeling more and more akin to all of you. You are all just wonderful.
My prayers go out to each and every one of you.
More about me another time.


  1. I believe you hit the heart of the story here: "knowing that I was right feeling the way I did all those many years, has set me free."

    While we need to find ways to live in the world that tells us we are wrong, we do not have to believe them to be successful.

  2. @Halle, Thank you, you are very kind. I know I will probably never transition, but that is OK. I now know that I can, like you, still be happy in the knowledge of who and what I am. My life is, while not perfect, pretty good the way it is. I know the Lord is sustaining me and my family.

    I continue to pray for you and your family as well as all of us girls, every day. We need the Lord in our lives.

  3. Cynthia, while I appreciate that there are many who feel a need for a power "beyond our ken", it gives me comfort to know that even to one such as myself (who finds no need for a supernatural intervention), blessings flow. I suppose you might say 'He knows them by their fruits'. I say, I am very fortunate indeed, even if I have no god to thank or blame. :)

  4. Your faith will lead you. I have found a much closer relationship with my Poppa since I have come out and have authentically been me. I know that Poppa knew all along, but it didn't feel the same as standing before him as my whole self.

    I have a blog post in '09 "What I believe"

    You are more than welcome to read it and take from it anything that helps.

    And, lastly, somehow I would like to exchange email with you.

  5. @ Shannon,

    I have been leaning on the Lord for 40 years now. I couldn't go from day to day without him. He's not my crutch, He is my inspiration.

    I have been trying to get caught up on reading your blog. Check your last post.

    I am married...have been for 40 years... to the same wonderful woman. She knows nothing of this blog, and I believe it would hurt to much and cause irreparable damage if she found me emailing any one she didn't know about. Maybe some day.

    With that, I will close now and say that I will continue to pray for you.


  6. Sin and guilt - the story of my early life. I am glad you have found acceptance and peace.